Always There
by veivei
Summary: Duo is always there to listen to his friends as they talk out their sorrows to him, but there is no one willing to hear to his own, just Heero, always waiting for a sign from him to come closer and hold him. Will Duo ever let him ? 1x2
1. 1

Disclaimer: The characters of Gundam Wing used below are not mine. Yet.   
Warnings: shounen-ai, mentioned yaoi, melancholy/angst by the end, English is not my first language   
  
  


Always There   
by **akai megami**

  
  
  
  
" Duo ?" He called softly, seeing as the other boy's eyes half-closed, making him seem strangely detached, like if he wasn't listening to him at all. 

" Yeah ?" Duo asked softly, shaking his head so that his ruffled bangs fell back in place, but keeping his eyes heavy lidded as they were, taking a deep drag out of his cigarette. 

" I think me and Tro will break up." He said softly, sure now he had Duo's attention. 

The other boy smiled faintly, then smashed his cigarette into the nearby stainless steel ashtray. 

" Then let it be so. It's been hanging in the air for so long now that alone should be enough for you to realize you two are not meant to be." 

" But..." He hesitated. " I still don't know how I will be able to stand it..." He whispered, his head going low, one his slender hand slipping into his fair mane of hair. He was feeling bad about it. That was why he was here. Talking everything out to Duo always seemed to ease the pain, whenever him and Trowa were close to this point. " ...waking up one day and realizing he is not there beside me nor will be the next night, or the next, no matter what I'll do... It is..." 

Duo shrugged, seemingly indifferently. 

"...you understand, Duo ? Four years is a lot of time to get used to some things..." 

" Sure." 

"...and I'm not really sure anymore if I could stand being alone and..." Quatre's long fingers were slipping more and more into his blonde hair, combing it delicately. He craved the contact. Look at him now, he'd hadn't Trowa do this to him for a few days and he was already petting himself. "...and I can't imagine me being with anyone else than him..." 

Duo snorted. 

" Like if he was the only guy out there, or girl, for that matter. You turn most heads, Quat, there really are lots of people willing to take his place. Being alone is not an option for you. Besides..." He shot his best warm smile, while reaching for the open whisky bottle and taking a sip right from it. What was the point in using glasses if he did not need to share ? Quatre drunk only wines anyway and even that rarely. "...you have me. You can always come over to cry out..." 

At this precise moment Quatre began to sob quietly. 

" That's it." Duo smiled contentedly feeling the liquid burn its way down his throat and into his stomach, warming him nicely inside. He fumbled in the pocket of his black pants for a while before getting a handkerchief out. " Here, use this." He handed it to Quatre, his smile changing smoothly from content to reassuring as the other boy raised his deep aquamarine eyes at him. 

" Thanks, I have... my own..." He mumbled out, accepting the handkerchief from Duo anyway. He always did. 

It had black and gray stripes on it, was reassuringly huge and warm from being in Duo's pocket. Also, it had signs of lots of tears being cried out on it. His tears, as he bet he was the only person that actually used it, even if Duo was the one to carry it. 

" Now, that's better. You get it all out of your system and then we'll think things out. But I still think you should dump him. Too much of that nasty stuff between you two happens last time, really. At least you'll teach him his lesson. If he loves you, he'll try to win you back." 

Another loud sob, muffled just a bit by the handkerchief could be heard. 

" And if he doesn't ?" 

" Then you two say good-bye, let's be friends to each other and go your own ways. What's the point of staying with him if he doesn't ?" 

" I do." 

So strangely long silence followed that Quatre took his head up to look at Duo yet again, closely this time. He was looking aside, looking thoughtful, though there were still the remnants of the last reassuring smile pulling up at his mouth. 

" Then it is bad." Duo said at least, still not looking at him. " But dump him anyway, at least you'll know." 

" You think so ?" Asked Quatre doubtfully, picking at the corner of the vast handkerchief he held. 

" I do. I've told you quite a few times already before to try to make it work, but not anymore. At least I think so, you do not have to follow. I just think... You deserve someone who would love you, for sure, so you'd not have to worry over that." 

Quatre sighed. 

" But to find that someone..." 

" Just look around and you'll see him, closer than you'd ever think." 

Another moment of awkward silence followed those silent words. The silence with Duo was always awkward. 

" All right, I'll do. Hope you were not talking about the God, for he would not warm my bed for me..." 

They both laughed at that. 

"... Father Maxwell." 

Duo's eyes narrowed, as always whenever one of his friends addressed him with his formal name. 

" Playing that game along I'd tell your sins are forgiven, Quatre Reberba Winner, whatever it is you've done, since you didn't really tell me any." 

Quatre faked nervous laughter at that. 

" Yeah..." 

" I see, it was something bad." 

" No..." 

" It was." 

" No ! 

" It was." 

" No, it wasn't !" Quatre stuck his tongue out and they both laughed, sincerely. 

There just was something about Duo, which caused that his presence felt soothing and him just being near made people happy. An amazing gift Quatre envied him a bit. For even if he himself could be able to do so for most people, there were certain, like Heero or Wufei he could not get through to, so much unlike his braided friend. 

" All right, Quatre." Told Duo standing up. " I think it's time to go for me, I have an appointed meeting in a few minutes." 

Quatre nodded. 

" Thanks for everything yet again. I think you've helped me decide. I'll do as you said." 

Duo nodded. 

" I think that'll be just for the best." He told seriously. " As it is you and Trowa are just hurting each other trying to be together when you can not anymore. That suffering is pointless, stop it." 

" Yeah, I'll try to. Good-bye, Duo." 

" See ya. In a week, was it ?" 

" Yeah, Friday at 3 p.m. An hour for me then. I remember." 

" Bye then, Quat." 

Quatre left with a final wave. 

Around the right time. Duo sighed and smiling half-heartedly, sat down and reached down onto the floor for the whisky bottle. He took two more sips and put it back as the door opened and a silent young man slipped inside. 

" I'm a bit early today. Hope you don't mind." 

Duo shook his head. 

" No. Why would I ? Sit down." 

The other nodded and approached to sit down opposite Duo, noticing how the couch was still warm from its previous occupant and the slightest scent of cologne lingered in the air, one that seemed strangely familiar to him. 

" So, how is it with Quatre ?" Asked Duo, pulling out a black lighter and a cigarette, as an afterthought handing the pocket out to the other youth, who took one as well. 

" I feel he'll leave this time. I messed up." 

" I was telling you ever since pressuring him into anything won't help. Quatre may be nineteen, but he wants his innocence intact. That's not entirely his fault, the others were the ones to tell him over and over again it was his main quality. He thinks losing it is like losing a part of himself to someone else." 

" I know, Duo. I'm not blind. It only hurts he doesn't want me to be that someone else." 

They both sighed in unison. 

" Things happen, Tro. Everyone always thought that if anyone, then you two will work out, but that isn't this simple. Quat thinks he loves you and yet..." 

"...he keeps on looking for someone else, every chance he has." 

" Exactly. Whisky ?" Asked Duo, dropping his cigarette. 

" Thanks." 

Duo took a sip on his own then. 

" And you ?" 

" What ?" Trowa's head shot up, light reflecting upon the surface of his beautiful dark green eyes. It was a good thing he'd cut his hair down, his eyes were fully visible, but Quatre did not like them. He'd told once he couldn't stand his lover's gaze sometimes, it was so... penetrating. 

" Do you still love him ?" 

" I wonder rather if I ever did. You know, Duo..." Trowa smashed the cigarette as well, Duo serving him with the half-full ashtray. " We were always just too different. Too..." 

" Don't voice it. I can grasp what you mean. Quat never understood us, the real orphans, the real fighters. Everywhere he goes he gets protected just because of who he is. This is amazing how innocent he managed to stay thanks to it, but it does make him sheltered. It's a good thing you were there for him during the war, you saved the good ole' Quat we couldn't live without, but that..." 

"...is all I was supposed to do. Now leave him to the others ? And what with me ?" 

" Tro ?" 

" What ?" 

" Can you read thoughts or something ? How do you always know what I'm going to say ?" 

Trowa smiled, for the first time during their meeting. 

" I don't need to. Despite what some think, you tell only what needs to be told, you're just the only one brave enough to voice it or maybe you care enough, something along those lines..." 

" I do care about others. I'm Christian." 

" Yeah, Duo. But do you care about yourself ? Come to think of it. And as for Quatre, I think I let him go if he asks for freedom and do something with my own. Too bad you're scooped up already by that guy up there." 

" Yeah..." Duo told, blushing a bit. " Definitely scooped up. You go already ?" 

" I have a meeting with Quatre in the city in fifteen minutes. I came just to... ensure myself, I think." 

" You're sure now ?" 

" Yes. The two of us together are the matter of past. See you, Duo." 

" See you. In a week ?" 

" I'll call." 

He got out with that. 

Duo could still feel his cheeks burning. He shook his head. Ten minutes spare time... Whoa... He stood up and stretched, paced around the room several times, looked through the window, paced the room again and sat down with a final sigh, his fingers fumbling again with the cigarettes' pocket. What was that about taking care of himself ? He knew he should stop smoking. Priests are not allowed to smoke. Screw that, considering how many people he had killed during the first war they had a nice warm place in Hell prepared for him already anyway. 

The knocking at the door sounded strangely loud in the room, echoing of the walls. Two knocks, a pause, three knocks, a pause, four knocks. The highly specific pattern of knocking showing ones impatience as it was also getting louder and louder. 

" Come in !" 

The door shut behind the newcomer with surprising force making the hinges yelp, as he himself crossed the room to come to sit at the couch, moving cautiously away from the warmed place. His fingers banged on the table separating them before he managed to stop himself. 

He was furious. 

Duo felt a shiver run down his spine, as always when he was looking into those proud black eyes sparkling with fury. 

" I do admit, I fell for him." He rather growled out than anything. 

" I see..." Told Duo soothingly. " Him and Tro are breaking apart, you heard ?" 

Black eyes sparkled with something akin to hope before it was neatly hidden under the mask of frustrated fury. 

" Take your chances, Wu. Don't torment yourself." He continued. " Quat is everything but willing to be alone. It is not like him to be alone, without someone to support him. He's too delicate to go on on his own, if he did, he'd hardened like everyone of us and we do not wish so, do we ?" He smiled at the thought of the lovely blonde who had just recently left his office. " I think you are capable of taking care of him and you do need him. This was his problem with Trowa, actually. Tro doesn't need anyone, as of the support, guy is so balanced that scared the shit out of me at first, I thought he was crazy to be so calm, dead inside, as some others, he is not, but well... that's not the matter." 

" I do not need anyone." 

" Of course." Duo nodded all too-eagerly. " I actually know you do, Wu, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Fate never was kind to you, you have every law." 

Wufei's jaw clenched considerably, as did his fists, but Duo went on. 

" Quatre can give you balance you need, balance, support and at the top of all, understanding. I won't hesitate to say you're quite complicated and he's an emphath after all. He'll figure you out, if only you let him. Just hit on him, for God's sake." 

" I'll try." The Chinese relaxed a bit, seeing as they were stopping to talk about him. 

" Wish me to tell you what will work ? As his best friend I know first hand." 

Wufei didn't deny, just looked at him suspiciously, brushing some imagined dust of his pure white clothes by habit. 

" Quatre likes to feel like an average teen sometimes and, he was never, ever, out on a real date. It just isn't like Tro to go out for the single matter of having fun. Pragmatism, you know, him and Heero... Anyway, he could be very happy with poor quality movies and ice creams in the park just for the hence of feeling just another teen in a row. And, buy him flowers. That one's girly, but, I don't know if you ever noticed how he was sniffing random ones at Relena's parties. Weak spot, I guess, but nothing as obnoxious as red roses, it could've even be cherry blossom, just not incognito, he'd think it's from Heero then..." 

Wufei relaxed even more. 

" You get it, Wu ? Win him over. I wanna be a matchmaker." 

One black eyebrow rose slightly. 

" Is it along your religion to hook up two men together ?" 

Duo shrugged. 

" No. But it is along my personal rules. See, Wu. I just want people to be happy, it's such a wonderful view I bet He likes it as well. The way they get that happiness is their matter. That's what I think. I also think you can be happy with Quatre. You two should just try, if it won't work out, then it won't, but if you won't even try, you'll never know. And missing a chance to be happy with someone is always a waste." 

" A sin ?" 

" A waste. For which the punishment comes in this life, not in the other, as the loneliness and sorrow. I don't want any of the above to be a part of your lives." 

" And what about Trowa ?" 

" He'll find someone, I'm sure." 

" All right then." Told Wufei, standing up. 

" When I'll get my first of the long promised row of Chinese lessons ?" 

" The next time, maybe. Not that you're smart enough to grasp the language." 

Duo stuck his tongue at him. The childlike gesture made Wufei smile, just a bit, before he covered it with a frown and turned on his heels to go out, without telling good-bye, as always. 

" However, being rude is a sin, Wu !" Duo called after him, but only answer he got was the sound of the door slamming shut. 

Duo sighed, reaching for his long-time craved cigarette. He just couldn't smoke in front of Wufei, it was making the other youth so extremely upset and then, the disdainful look in his black eyes was getting so terrible... It was literally hunting him in his nightmares then. 

Who else was there for today ? Hilde called she couldn't come this week, though they were currently discussing the strategic matter of her marriage he was supposed to give her. Who else then ? Noin had been there last week, but it'd been a once in a lifetime occurrence he bet, she'd just gotten extremely distressed with Zechs telling her to stay working instead of getting pregnant, while the latter was her dream. Who, then ? Who else than the Princess herself ? In five minutes... 

But first, his cell phone started beeping. It took him a while to find it. He ruffled through the stacks of papers on his desk, half of it landing on the floor in process, checked all the drawers one by one and found it at last in the bottom one. 

It was a text message. 

` I can't stop myself from going at his grave every single day, to tell him everything. I can't. Sometimes it seems for me like if he really was there beside me. Maybe that's good enough ? But you don't think so, do you, 02 ? What am I supposed to do then ?` 

So, another one of those. The moment of weakness of the all-mighty Preventer's commander. He chose `Une` in the address book and typed down the answer, grinning maniacally to himself. 

`Find yourself a real boyfriend, not a ghost. Btw, 03's free.` 

He pushed the `send` button and placed the phone back where he'd found it, promising himself to remember where it was the next time it was ringing. Then he kneeled down to collect the papers from the floor and just then, she made her entrance. The heavy scent of perfumes hit his nostrils from the distance of good ten yards separating him from the door. He stood up immediately, straightening his clothes. 

She was wearing a lilac suit this time, combined with white gloves and high heels. Her hair short, as it'd been for some time already. It was looking good on her, he had to admit. Why Heero wasn't all over her was beyond him. 

" Hi, Princess !" He beamed cheerfully. 

" It's been a long time, Duo." 

" Yeah..." 

She approached in tiny steps, smiling sweetly as he rushed to her side, helping her sit on the couch and kissing her gloved hand then with a charming smile. 

She frowned, her little nose wrinkling. 

" Duo, since you're a priest, shouldn't it rather be me kissing your hand ?" 

" Screw that, Princess. Champagne ? Or don't you drink that early in the afternoon ?" 

She smiled again. 

" Could do." 

He poured her a glass and set it down before her, filling his own with the rest of whisky. He sat down only then, watching her for a while play with the crystal glass, holding it delicately with her dusty pink fake nails on. She then brought it to her lips and drunk the slightest bit, before setting it back aside, a mark of glimmering pink lipstick left on the side of the glass. 

Women... Women were amazing with all those kind of substances and accessories they were putting on themselves. Really amazing. Like with Hilde. He'd always thought she just wasn't the type to wear real complex make-up and look at her now, about to get married, how she was deluding her soon to be husband with all those shimmering grayish blue eyeshades making her eyes stunning, pale lipsticks, dark blue mascaras, peachy powders and whatever else. 

Relena sighed deeply, getting his attention with it. 

" It's been almost five years and there wasn't a day ever since I've seen him for the first time when I wasn't thinking about him. It's wearing me off. It's like an obsession, not falling in love. I repeat to myself every evening before going to sleep: `he doesn't want to have anything to do with you, you are not his type, go on`, but that isn't helping. I wake up the next day and wonder immediately where he is, what he is doing, if he's even still alone... It is... so... overwhelming..." 

Duo took a sip from his own glass before answering. 

" The force of habits, Princess. Maybe don't give yourself time for that. Watch tv until you fall asleep, or something... No, that one was lame. Get someone new." 

" I can't. I'd felt like if I was betraying him." 

" How can you betray him if you're not an item ?" 

She smiled sadly. 

" I can't tell if we're not. You see, Duo, there was that one moment during the war and right after when he really acted like if he was hitting on me. I don't know. Maybe he's too shy to take it further." 

" Shy ?" 

There was disbelief sounding clearly in Duo's voice. How could anyone get to think that Heero Yuy was shy ? He was doing what his heart was telling him to. Apparently this time it was telling him to stay away from the Princess. But shy ? 

If Heero was shy, the most embarrassing moment of Duo's young life would've never taken place. To this day, he could feel his insides clenching and his cheeks starting to burn at the memory. Hot, demanding lips pressing to his own, strong arms encircling him in the crushing embrace, warm, calloused hands coming to rest on the back of his neck and grip his braid. There was something in the only kiss he'd ever encountered, strange desperation and the depths he could not get to explore, that he'd almost, almost, let it go further. Almost, because he'd stopped himself and delivered Heero a nasty punch to the lower stomach and then kicked him there for good measure. There was hurt there, in those amazingly deep Prussian blue eyes then, just for a while. Ever since they'd been just friends, one could tell. 

Was Heero gay then ? Was it why he despised Relena so much ? 

How could he tell her something like that ? ` See, Lena. He likes boys better. Can tell first hand, he kissed me during the war and surely would've done more if not for my apparent refusal.` No, that would not do. 

" Heero is not shy. And I bet, he does think you're attractive." Yeah, if you could count him telling `Relena doesn't look one bit like a bitch she is` as it. " It's just that... He thinks you're not... how to put it... compatible enough to be together. Not on the physical part of course, but..." 

" Duo !" She shrieked. 

" You two are too different to be together. You can and you did learn a lot from each other, because your personalities, beliefs and backgrounds are as different as they can get, but also, because of that, it won't work out between you two. Heero doesn't even want trying, as it would've only made both of you hurt." 

" Then what does he need ? What does he need that I can't give him ?" 

" The advantage. You, running after him on your own, are too easy to get for him." 

It left her speechless for a while. 

" What do you mean ? That if I was all unobtainable he would've been interested ? Only then ? Why didn't you tell me earlier, Duo ? Why ? Why not during the war ?" 

" Lena, you won't turn back the time, but really, there are lots of guys who don't treat the girls running after them seriously. We all like the advantage, in a way. The harder you need to fight for something, the better it tastes, that goes for girls as well. A girl that is seemingly out of reach and, surrounded by bunch of other admirers, is often the most appealing. And she doesn't need to be exceptionally stunning, which you are, overlooking the minor flaws. It's the matter of tactics. Love and war are a lot alike, just that the first increases the number of people, and the last - quite the contrary. " Duo grinned at his own joke, while saying that. 

" You think it'll work ? What about my brother and Noin ? You won't tell she wasn't running after him ?" 

" Yeah, and he was trying to flee so desperately he'd faked his own death. Only then, she cornered him so that he had no more ways to run away." Duo sighed. " And look at Une. Before Treize's death, she ended up his servant, not lover, by running after him. You girls do this a lot last times. The problem is, the guy wants to feel like the one who comes and takes, that's in our nature, I guess, at least in most cases, including Heero, Princess." 

" All unobtainable, the Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft. Does it sound right ?" 

" Minister ? It was Vice even the last time ?" 

" I've gotten an advance." She said, standing up. 

" Oh..." 

" Yeah, Duo. Too bad I have to go now, but I'll try that your... tactics. Am I supposed to turn down the offers to dance ?" She asked, turning to him one more time on her way to the door. 

" No, this is impolite. Just punch the guy if he's getting too close for your tastes." 

" Punch ?" She asked, looking doubtfully at her own small fist. 

" At least you won't do any serious damage to him." 

" Oh, yeah. All right, good-bye, Duo !" 

" Bye, Princess !" He answered as the heavy door closed behind her. 

Duo leaned back in his black leather chair with a sigh and closed his eyes. These talks, they were strangely draining him out, but he could not refuse, never. It was a habit by now of all his friends, to go to Duo whenever they had a problem, to talk it out. Too bad no one wished to listen to him talk out his owns, too bad no one cared. No, they did. They just assumed he was happy. He was a priest, like he'd always wanted to be, a good one, not counting smoking and drinking a bit. He was the parson at the newly founded parish located in one of the new quarters built quickly only after the war, to accommodate those who had lost their homes in it, he'd founded a branch of the local government orphanage, not able to house the masses of orphans, here at the parsonage. He should be happy with his life. Why was he not ? 

Because that one kiss Heero had given him so long time ago had stirred kind of hope inside of him ? Hope of not being alone forever ? 

He shook his head, reaching for the bottle of whisky only to find it empty. When, how had it been emptied, he did not know, although he could feel how the alcohol was making him warm on the inside. Such a nice feeling to accompany him on the nights spent alone in a huge, cold bed. 

He hid his face in his hands, realizing, slowly, very slowly, where he was going, how was it going to end for him. He could not stand the loneliness. He could not. 

He reached down to the bottom drawer for his cell phone, took it out and choose the formal 01 from the address book. He typed down the message with shaky fingers, his chest tightening more with every next letter done. 

` Come in, Heero, and do something so I'd not feel so alone anymore. D.` 

He hit the `send` button with a sigh. Then he dropped the cell phone carelessly onto the desk and went to the window. There was already dark outside. Like the last time he'd been checking, there was the cloaked figure standing there in the rain, under the tree, in the same exact place. The figure was reaching to his pocket right then. 

Duo shut out the shutters, paced around his room, took the papers from the floor onto the desk at last, paced the room again, straightened his black clothes, paced the room again. 

Then the knocking came. 

He knew how was it going to be. Silent, even knocks, coming at the very same rate for some time only and then stopping all together. There'd been quite a few times in the past when they'd reached that moment, but Duo had never opened the door. This time though it wasn't even locked. 

" Come in !" 

The newcomer complied. The door opened, he came in and closed it behind him and locked it with the key left in the keyhole. The hood fell off revealing unruly brown hair and the face, set in the usual determined frown. 

Duo felt shiver run down his spine when he looked into Heero's eyes for the first time since just after the second war, more than three years ago, although there practically wasn't a day when he could've not seen him through his window, standing under the very same tree, for hours on the end. 

" Why, Heero ? Why do all of these things ?" 

He didn't mean just standing under his window, he meant the long reflexive e-mails he never responded to, the postal cards from the most exotic places, coming in a few days whenever Heero was absent under his window for some time, the gifts appearing on his doorstep at the holidays and on his self-appointed birthday. They were always thoughtful, simple, yet beautiful, like the figurine of a nun hugging a little boy, carved with stunning precision in a tiny piece of amethyst. It was standing at the edge of his desk, even now. 

" Because I love you." 

Nothing changed in Heero's face, just his eyes softened, deepened, enlightened with the feelings shimmering there while he was looking at his fellow Gundam pilot. 

He did not know from where they were coming, he did not know why. They were just there and he felt how they were making him better, how they were keeping the demons of guilt over killing so many at bay and he was doing what his heart was telling him to - keeping on them, waiting for Duo to let him in. 

What Heero had said was so much, nothing but silence could follow. There was nothing more to ask, to discuss, the only thing to do was to let him show how much. 

" I have something for you, Duo." 

Duo nodded. 

" Go on." 

Heero reached into his cloak's pocket and took a small item covered with pale blue paper out of it. He handed it to Duo, whose eyes lightened with childlike curiosity even against his will. 

He unwrapped it, the astonishment showing on his face as he took into what it was. 

" I... I can't Heero, I'm a priest. I have to remain celibate, to the end." 

He then looked down ones again at the figurine he was holding, made of black marble this time, the stone he secretly admired and would've gladly made half his church engraved with it if he had the founds. It was the Angel of Death holding its God in the lover's embrace and though the figures weren't one bit like them, Duo knew what did Heero mean, beside offering him the first-class work of art. He handed it back to him. 

Prussian blue eyes narrowed. 

" I can't." Not yet... 

Heero accepted it back. 

" Go now, Heero. I have to go for a dinner with the children now." He told, turning back from him. 

Heero did not move. 

" Heero..." 

He only made a step closer. 

" Heero, please !" 

The pleading in those violet eyes hunting his dreams for so long now almost stopped him, almost. 

" I have to go..." Duo whispered, although not moving away as Heero was inching closer. Something kept him rooted to the spot. 

Cold lips against his, soft, feathery, then more demanding, strong arms coming to encircle him again, as the figurine he'd refused taking earlier was forced into his hand, a tongue caressing the inside of his mouth, gentle hands running down his braid, massaging his scalp. The kiss getting deeper and deeper, until he felt that tongue plunge down into his throat, the hard body pressed tightly to his as he was eased back onto the desk. 

Then it all went out, the warmth, the contact, all at once and he craved it back so much... 

Heero was gone, the door just shutting behind him, the black marble figurine still warm from his hand the only thing left, indicating he'd been there at all. That, and his taste all over Duo's mouth. 

Duo smiled sadly to himself, sadly and shakily. What had possessed him to ever become a priest in the first place ? To give away his freedom like that ? What was he supposed to do now ? He took the black marble figurine to his bedroom, before going down to the dining room. He left it there, on the bed table, standing there to hunt him on his lonely nights with the promise of warmth it held. 

And still, every time he was looking out of the window, every random day, there was the cloaked figure of another young man just like him, one he knew like no other, waiting for him, waiting for him for years on the end. 

And there were still his once in a week talks with his friends, so he knew first hand what their love lives were like and helped them on more than one occasion. 

And there were the gifts appearing on his doorstep and the long e-mails, filled with heart-wrenching sorrow. 

And there were the Prussian blue eyes looking at him questioningly in his dreams...   
  
  
  
  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
There may be a sequel, just ask.   



	2. 2

Disclaimer: The characters of Gundam Wing used below are not mine. Yet.   
Warnings: shounen-ai, angst, English is not my first language   
  
  


Always There   
by **akai megami**

**The 2nd part**

  
  
  
  
  


He was feeling uneasy stepping into the silent glory of the church. He had to admit it, it was beautiful, strangely so while being so simple. The walls were white, as were the columns supporting the high ceiling, the windows were made of white tainted glass, making the light delicate and ambient, the shadows barely there. It was all so pure and that purity was indeed concentrating in the figure of the Virgin made of white marble, placed over the altar. She was just smiling sadly and kindly down at everyone who decided to visit this place and the tears running down her cheeks in rich rivulets were carved in the stone as well. 

Duo was everywhere in here, in every single detail. After all, he'd been the one to make this place into what it was. With its silence and ambience and sad, broken purity, with the unconditional love and benevolence towards everyone who ever needed it reflecting in its central statue's face, with its peace. 

But at the same time, the lateral altars were dark, the one at the right, with the Christ's dying on the cross small statue made of silver, that was looking old and like if burned, half-melted in the fire some time ago, at its center, with black walls and hundreds of small candles casting the red light onto it, red like the blood, lit up by those who were coming here to pray for whatever reason. 

The altar at the left was black as well, with a painting representing the Virgin's face, a sad face once again. 

Someone had asked Duo once when he'd been already a priest why the Virgin was so often made sad by the artists painting or carving her. He'd answered that it was the only way she could be - sad, being the Mother of every human being that'd ever lived since the death of her Son. Her children were hurting her so much, by rebelling against her and each other, by killing each other, over and over again in yet another war, she could only be sad, but she still loved them. 

Duo had also said once that the unconditional love it'd promised was what had brought him back to the catholic religion after the war. 

It could be not - the Virgin, Christ and everything else, but as long as anyone believed in them, they were bringing that unconditional love into this world, Duo had wanted to be able to give it. Duo had wanted to be just like them, give everything away to the others. He'd given his childhood and his youth already, he'd given his innocence, his conscience, he'd taken the blood onto his hands and the regrets onto his soul and still, he felt it was not enough, that he still could give more. 

But how long could he just be giving, not getting anything in return ? Everyone was so selfish, just taking, taking and taking and believing that if Duo was able to give, then he had to be happy. 

But Heero knew that Duo was not happy, not with his loneliness that the weekly talks with almost all of their friends could not keep at bay for him, not even with the love of the orphaned children raised at the parish who were much like his own by now. He was just not. He was losing it, smoking, drinking, going crazy because he needed something else. 

Heero tried hard not to get to believe it was him who was needed. 

He admitted though that, definetely, Duo missed something and it was hurting him, in the worst way possible, creeping into this seemingly perfect life he'd set for himself, destroying it, no matter what he was doing to stop the process. Was it the loneliness ? The craving of the warmth that only love could give ? Love Duo had never really encountered for a time long enough to get secure with it, that was always taken away from him all too soon if it even appeared in the first place, in his sad, lonely life of an orphan spending its childhood on the streets. Was this it ? 

Then why wouldn't Duo accept his love as his solace ? Why wouldn't he ? What was there more important for him than his own happiness and sanity, now, when he'd given almost everything he'd had away to others already ? What was there ? Did he want to give them all of himself ? Make an offering of him whole ? Give away the last bit of cheerfulness and warmth he still possessed, the last bit of ability to love his heart had, the last bit of life inside of him ? And stay the breathing doll drowning his sorrow over what he'd done to himself in whisky ? 

One bottle a day. Duo's usual dose. A lot, one might say. 

How could he ?! How could he be doing this to himself ?! To himself and to him, Heero, all the same. This hurt. 

This hurt more than anything he could ever imagine, than self-destructing in Wing, than the death itself, this hurt with the worse kind of pain, the one coming from the inside. But he could not stop it. Even his unhumanly determined strong will could not banish the feelings for Duo out of his heart, it just stubbornly refused to let go. Beside that, Duo needed him, really did. He needed anyone who could see his pain, anyone who would really be there for him. Therefore he decided he was doing the right thing letting Duo know he'd always be near. 

He looked up at the crying Virgin's face once again. Smiling sadly and crying, smiling warmly down at those who needed her even through the tears, just like Duo. Putting a though happy front for the others so they did not need to worry, as not to cause them pain. 

What had that others ever do to ensure such treatement ? That kind of sacrifice on Duo's part ? They were just taking whatever he had to offer, not really caring if he was giving the last bit of his optimism away while he was helping them, just letting him do so. Ungrateful, blind bastards. He hated them, dammit, hated them for hurting his Duo, the best person he'd ever met, so much. 

But Duo did not. Duo was taking all of their burden upon himself, was giving himself away and suffered like if he was supposed to do just that, like if it was his fate. 

But it was not, Heero was sure about that, Duo had every law to be happy, just like everyone else. And if no one else cared enough to do so, he was going to make Duo happy, along his will or against it, somehow, someday... 

He took a deep breath and crossed the distance separating him from the confessional, made of bright wood and white stone. There was just one person just standing up from kneeling in front of it and leaving at this early hour of morning. Heero took its place, not hesitating any longer.   
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


His church was beautiful, strangely so while being so simple. The walls and floor were white, as were the columns supporting the high ceiling. The tainted glass of the windows was just white as well, making the light here delicate and ambient, the shadows barely there. There was the unbelievable simple purity all around and the silent glory, having its center in the Virgin's statue, made of white marble, placed over the altar, drowning in the sea of white flowers. She was smiling sadly down at her countless children and there were the tears rolling down her cheeks carved in the stone as well. She was so... 

She was his Mother, as she was the one of all people, but unlike for most of them, She was the only mother he'd ever known. And she was sad, they were making her sad, her children, rebelling against her and against each other over and over again in the neverending wars. 

Duo smiled up at her, like if trying to make her better. Like always, he was trying to make everything and everyone better. 

" Father Duo !" 

He turned around at the sound, only to have a small child wrapped tightly around his legs the very next instant. His hand fell onto the tiny's girl blonde head almost on its own. 

" What is it ?" He asked softly. 

" I'm glowing my hair, you remeber, father Duo ?" 

" Yeah. So ?" 

" It is long already, isn't it ?" She said. She sounded the slightest bit at the verge of the tears, as she would've been if he told her that no, it wasn't, but he just smiled reassuringly. " It's long ? Can I have a blaid like you already, father Duo ?" 

Endlessly trusting bright blue eyes looked up at him, shinining with hope. 

" Let's see..." He said, kneeling down next to the child. Her hair wasn't really long yet, just barely reaching her slender shoulders, but he turned her around and made an attempt on braiding it anyway. 

He could just not fail her. He'd promised her, a few months ago, that by the end of autumn she'd have her hair long enough to wear it a braid like him. 

" You have a band ?" 

She nodded, as much as she could while he was still holding her head back by the hair. 

" I do ! Here !" 

A small hand forced a pink band with a tiny flower attached to it into his. Duo smiled to himself, while putting the perfect little-girly band at the end of the short braid of delicate, almost white, childlike hair. She turned to face him the very instant when he released her hair, looking proud. 

" Why do you insist so much on having a braid anyway, little one ?" 

" It's pletty." 

" You think ?" 

" Yes, your blaid is very pletty, father Duo." 

Duo grinned down at her. 

" `kay, but if you want to wear your hair like that, you need to learn to braid it yourself some time soon. I'll teach you, if you like it." 

" Okay !" She said, nodding lively. 

" Let's go for lunch now, shall we ?" He asked, her little hand slipping into his automatically as he stood up. 

They went outside and back into the parish together, with her almost running trying to keep up her tiny steps with his bigger ones, her small braid hitting her on her shoulders every once in a while. 

What was there sheduled after the lunch ? Of course, Tro was supposed to come. Duo smiled. Tro had sounded happy on the phone when they'd been setting this up. There was something... different in him compared to these times when him and Quatre were going through the last phase of their dying relationship. Had he found someone new ? 

Duo was anxious to get to know. 

He didn't eat much. Somehow, he'd lost his appetite sometime during the last years, even though the food at his parish was delicious. He could just not force himself to eat more than any of the children, therefore leaving his larger plate half untouched. He knew this, combined with the cigarettes and alcohol, wasn't serving him right, he'd been losing weight for four years now, bit by bit and it was beginning to get apparent as he'd been thin even before. He was turning skinny, his hair going out in fistfuls after each washing, his eyes losing its unusual gleam, turning dull, grayish blue, instead of the lively violet. He was noticing it, every time he was looking at himself in a mirror, but he could not force himself to eat more, stop smoking and drinking. Maybe the last, but not for extended periods of time. There just were the days when he could not go on any longer without some help. 

All had turned out to be so difficult... Three children that had joined his orphanage at the parish, taken in directly from the streets, varying from the age of eight to eleven years old, experienced trouble communicating with the other children, didn't know how to play and to make it worse, after a psychological evaluation it was discovered that the two older ones had been sexually abused by various adult men, over and over again. Each time Duo was, more than anything, trying to talk with these children, he felt ready to rip the bastard's throats open with his bare hands if they ever appeared anywhere near. 

At the same time, his friends were almost all having hard time, excluding Hilde, of course, she was getting married with the man of her dreams, and all of this was having its toll on Duo, one that could not be apparent, for the sake of his children, of his friends, of everything. 

Hopefully, everyone seemed to buy it that he was all right, everyone, except Heero, that is. 

Heero had come to him during the confession time, something he'd never done before and... 

Duo shook his head, trying not to think of it right now, excused himself from the table and headed to his office, the children's voices and laughs following him on the corridor. 

He sat down at his soft chair heavily, straightened the papers covering his desk, careful not to cause the amethyst figurine at its edge to fall down, ran a tentative hand through his chestnut bangs and just waited, sqeezing his eyes shut to block out everything, the light, the distant laughs and sounds, the images assaulting his mind, especially one of them, the one of Prussian blue eyes looking at him closely from behind the confessional's lattice, eyes full of care, worry and love, so great he could not begin to comprehend from where had it come, how could he provoke it at all. 

" _I love you, Duo. It seems for me now like if I always did, like if in the times before I did it wasn't me, but someone else having the same body. You've made me better, you proved to me that there still are the good people around, that the world isn't all evil just because the wars are ripping it apart, you showed me how every living being is precious, how it is destroying you when you enjoy killing others. You've given me a reason to live after the wars, you are that reason..._" 

" Stop..." The silent word escaped Duo's lips even against his will. He could not take it ! He could not go on like that, with Heero, always there, somewhere close, so tempting with his warmth, with his love... But it would've been so selfish to go to him, disregarding the others, leaving the children alone. 

" Good morning, Duo !" The cheerful voice sounded from the doorway. 

Tro ? Tro was supposed to come, right ? Not Lena. 

" Yeah, that's right, that's me." She went on, coming closer in graceful tiny steps. " Speechless, are we ?" She asked playfully, bending over the desk, getting almost nose to nose with him. " I came to say `goodbye` to my old crush." 

" Wha..." 

If Duo was speechless before, stunned by her mere appearance, then he definitely got even more speechless now, as her pale pink lipstick covered lips pressed to his cheek briefly, leaving the sensation of softness there. 

" You turn even more handsome when you blush, Duo." 

" Leave you alone for a minute..." Another voice came from the doorway. 

Duo composed himself, brushed the back of his hand over his cheek and looked past Relena at the newcomer. Tro ? Relena winked to him when he looked back to her face. He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but... 

" Yeah, that's it, Duo. We are together." She said, sounding serious, while she sat down opposite him at least. " Me and Trowa, I mean." 

He looked at her like if she'd grown a second head and she couldn't stop herself from exploding in giggles. Trowa sat down next to her, seemingly uneasy. 

" Don't get so flustered." She said, poking him in the arm. " I just wanted to kiss him once after all those nights spent dreaming about him as a teenager." 

" I thought you were after Heero." Trowa pointed. 

" Among others... After he threatened to kill me hundred times over, I did what every girl at my place would do, switched interests. Just that then he turned nicer and..." She flailed her manicured hand. " Whatever. Beside that, I can scratch another name from my `Gundam pilots I need to kiss someday` list." 

" Proceed until you turn old and ugly." Trowa muttered in a seemingly unaffected voice. 

She rolled her eyes. 

" You see how he is, Duo ? He shows me how he doesn't care and ends up glaring at every man who is turning to look at me on the streets." 

" You mean, Lena, you are not kidding me ?" Asked Duo doubtfully, turning his eyes to Trowa then. 

" She is not, Duo. Lena, leave us alone for a while." 

" Of course, if you wish so, just don't take too long. Can I go to the children, Duo ?" 

" Yeah, of course." 

She nodded and went out. 

Duo released some air he had not realized he was holding up to this moment. 

" You mean, you and her, together ? Have you gone crazy, Trowa ?" 

" No. She is not how she seems, and you know it as well as I do. You've probably known way before me. She needs to be strong, nosy and demanding in order to reach her goals. But she is not like that deep down. In fact, despite how entertaining her social life may seem, she is terribly lonely and it was always like that, since her early childhood. She always had admirers, never friends, and therefore those who denied her anything fascinated her the most. " 

" You want to help her out ?" 

" As much as I want her to help me out." 

" Then you do love her, but it's just... strange." 

" I never said I was strictly gay." 

" Not that. Just you and the Princess, together... Heero was always afraid that if he let her close, he'll lose his freedom, you are not ?" 

" Catherine is getting married. She was my home up to this point, but she's going away now and I still need a place that I could come back to and be welcomed." He said softly. 

Duo smiled. There was something real and running deep flickering in Tro's green eyes. As strange as his decision might seem, he was all right with it as long as it was bringing his friend happiness he surely deserved. 

" What with Quatre ? He haven't contacted me in quite a while." 

" He decided to accompany Wufei to L5. Though his colony may be destroyed, something's still pulling Chang there. I think he decided to get at ease with his past once and for good, Quatre decided to follow him. " 

" May I ask, as who ?" 

Trowa looked dumbfounded. 

" They're still just friends then ?" Asked Duo again, sounding almost a bit disappointed. 

" And why would they be something more ?" 

Duo grinned misheviously. 

" I have my reasons to think they'll be once they're back from there." He said, winking to the other man. " And, by the way, what is it with Zechs and Noin ? Now that you're close with the Princess you should know first hand." 

" They're getting divorced, as far as I know. It's hard to get to know anything from Lena, really. She's torn apart between her sympathy for one and the other, but I think that has something to do with Une getting pregnant." 

" Yeah..." Duo said thoughtfully. " I think so, too. From the very beginning I thought it had to be either you or Zechs unhappy with Noin who made her that. Noin will have hard time coping now." 

" And you ?" 

" Me ?" Duo asked, sounding truly stunned. " I'm a priest. What could there be with me ?" 

" Heero came to me some time ago." Trowa said calmly, studying Duo closely as his eyes went twice their size in an instant. 

Duo's blood ran cold. 

" He told he needed to talk out at least, even him. I bet it was the very same night when I broke up with Quatre. He told me he kissed you then, for the second time in his life and he's going to go crazy and do something terrible either to you or to himself, if you won't let him close. I thought for a while that he was extremely selfish having thoughts like that, that he was disregarding your choice of way to live and your happiness, but it is not like that, because you are not happy. I realized it only as he'd pointed it out to me. I'm sorry I had not earlier. I always thought you were not taking enough care of yourself, but that was all, I'd realized how you..." 

" That's not right. I am happy." Snapped him Duo, taking his eyes down, carefully avoiding Trowa's gaze. 

" Since when you began to lie ?" 

" _Why do you lie to them, all of them ? Why do you try to lie to me ? You do run away, from the happiness life has to offer to you, you do hide, lock up with your anguish and a bottle of whisky in your room every single night, but you do lie as well, to everyone. That's not an excuse that you're doing this to save them the pain, you're hurting yourself with this and destroying yourself is a sin as well, am I right ?_" 

There was no answer to this question on Duo's part. He kept sitting there, staring dully at the table top, looking as miserable as such lively boy as him once could get, with his eyes grayed and dulled, with his lips set in a firm, thin line, as he was stubbornly refusing the happiness that was at hand. 

Trowa looked through the window, and indeed, down there, under the tree, was the cloaked figure of a young man, just standing there and waiting. 

" _I'll be waiting for you, Duo, always. You won't get me to leave. You can threaten me, you can tell me you hate me, I won't leave. I'll be always there so one day, when you decide to quit that life that's destroying you, you have someone to go to. That's what friends are all about. You were the one to learn me that_." 

" He really loves you, Duo..." 

" I know." 

" Then why won't you let him ?" 

" Because I can't." 

" _You probably have no clue how much it costed me to get as blatant as to kiss you then, during the war. But it was worth it. Even with the way you treated me after. That one kiss in itself was worth tormenting myself for months on the end before it and after and so I think... the life with you will be worth any amount of time I'll spend waiting for you. That's why I will be waiting, always_." 

" Sometimes I really wish I would've never become a priest, never had that life and so instead could start one with Heero. I really do, but then I look around, see my children, my parish, my church and don't want to give it all away, for anything, even for the happiness he promises to me." 

" _I can only blame myself I hadn't guts to tell you how I still felt about you just after the war, before you became a priest. It all just happened too quickly, I haven't really time to recover and then all was over, there was another barrier put between the two of us, beside the one we can never take away, the fact that we're both male. It does repulse you, doesn't it ? Is it just because of that you won't let me close ?_" 

" I'm not really gay. I loved Hilde once. And when then, during the war, Heero kissed me for the first time I honestly assumed it was some kind of a sick joke and punched him. I never really thought about this as a possibility, never considered, imagined things like that. Not before I realized what was happening between you and Quatre, only then I really grasped the idea." 

" What are you going to do ? Keep him waiting forever ?" 

" I cannot do nothing else." 

" Consider it, Duo, so you won't regret when many years ahead you'll be dying alone, after a life spent in loneliness." 

Duo smiled sadly, though there were tears shining in his eyes, or maybe, Trowa was just seeing things. 

" I'm not alone. I have you, all of you and my children." 

" And how would you feel if Heero was to leave ? Get to know a nice girl and marry her and leave truly alone ? Without him always there, just out of reach ? How would you feel, Duo ?" 

The answer never came, but twin tears slid down paled cheeks. 

" Leave me alone." Duo whispered, taking pleading eyes up at him. " Please, now." 

Trowa stood up and left without another word. 

" _And how would you feel if Heero was to leave ?_" 

" He would not leave me, he promised he'll be always there, always..." Duo whispered to himself, reaching a shaking hand to the drawer, taking out another bottle of whisky, opening it and drinking the burning golden liquid in rapid gulps. He was feeling bad, so bad... 

"_ Destroying yourself is a sin as well, am I right ? _" 

" Stop !" He screamed, throwing the empty bottle ahead, so it crushed against the opposite wall, exploding in countless pieces of glass. 

"_ You've given me a reason to live after the wars, you are that reason..._" 

" Look at me now, Heero... Look how hopeless I turned..." He whispered, standing up to go collect the glass, to tidy to room. To do anything, just that the voices, the images, the thoughts... 

It needed to stop ! 

"_ I'll be always there so one day, when you decide to quit that life that's destroying you, you have someone to go to._" 

Someone to go to... To take him out from here, away from the responsibilities put onto his shoulders without considering his age and sensitive nature, since he'd been a kid, away from the loneliness... Never be alone anymore, never sleep in a cold, empty bed, never spend his nights with a bottle of whisky as only company, never again... 

"_ When you decide to quit that life that's destroying you..._" 

Never again... 

He reached for the cellphone, lying under the papers on the table and typed the message, quickly, very quickly, before he had time to think about what he was doing, how was it going to change everything, how much it was going to hurt his children, how bad it was to... 

` Take me out from here. I mean it, Heero. I quit. D.` 

I quit. I'm going to go away, with you, wherever you wish to take me, to whatever place you wish for me to call my home. That doesn't matter, just do not let me be alone anymore... 

Never again... 

Never... 

_"The life with you will be worth any amount of time I've spent waiting for you. That's why I was waiting, that's why I've been always there as I'm going to be, till the death will us part and then, ever after..._"   
  
  
  
  


**The End**   
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I think this story ending like that will do. Still, review. Maybe you'll get me to write something else. 


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